Just Promise Me We'll Be Alright
by techiejellyfish
Summary: FITZSIMMONS! Rated T for language. Set after 1x08, no spoilers but it would help if you watched the episode. Fitz's reaction to what Ward said about him always having to save Simmons. Jemma finds out what happens and tries to comfort Leo. Lots of emotions and sadness and pain, but happiness and fluff at the end.


**AN: Okay, so I wondered how Fitz would react to what Ward said in 1x08 about him always having to save Simmons, and this was the only way I could think would do justice to how angry and upset it would make him feel, which would also reflect on how strongly he felt for Jemma. Wrote it while listening to Ghost That We Knew by Mumford and Sons (album version), and that's the inspiration for the title, so I recommend reading it to that as well, it adds to the pain and heartbreak. Reviews please! Thanks to lioninatux for Beta-ing.**

**Rated T for lots of swearing and slight self abuse.**

**I do not own agents of shield or any of its characters or Mumford and Sons.**

_You saw my pain washed out in the rain  
__Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins  
__But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart  
__And you knelt beside my hope torn apart_

_But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view  
And we'll live a long life_

Ward was startled awake once again. Simmons had warned him of this, side effects of the rage, she'd said. Deciding that attempts at sleep were useless, he sighed to himself and got out of bed, the cold hitting his feet and spreading throughout his body. He tried to walk as quietly as possible through the BUS, heading toward the fridge and pulling out a beer. He was about to make his way back to bed when he heard a faint thud near the back of the plane. As he got closer and closer, the noise got louder and was accompanied by the rattling of chains, dry throated screams and muffled sobs. He reached the location of the noise to see Fitz throwing shoves, kicks and punches at a punching bag, all uncoordinated and shaky.

Ward coughed once and Fitz turned to look at him in surprise, his face falling as soon as their eyes met. "What the hell do you want?" Fitz's voice sounded raspy and broken, but there was a deep bitterness in it that threw Ward off for a second.

"You know, you should probably slow down there, maybe perfect your technique. You might end up hurting yours-"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY GODDAMN TECHNIQUE!" Fitz cut Ward off; his scream echoing around the room and ringing in Wards ears. Fitz paused for a second before letting out another yell and hitting the bag again with both of his fists and arms; Ward hadn't noticed until that moment the state Fitz was in. There were bruises already forming on his pale skin, right up his arms; evidence of the battering he'd done to himself, throwing random hits at the bag, and there was even blood on his knuckles. "What is me practicing hitting a fucking bag gonna do, huh? I'm not you, I don't do strength or fighting or being the bloody hero. It won't matter if I train or if I keep hitting this bloody thing, I'm still NOTHING COMPARED TO YOU!… am I." His voice dropped at the end of his sentence and it was less of a question and more of an admittance of defeat. He turned his back to Ward in an attempt to conceal a few sobs before letting out another anguished yell and kicking the bag, turning Ward's gaze to the reddening marks on his feet and the carpet burn on his knees, where he must've tried kneeing the bag as well.

"Don't say that Fitz. You're- you're not nothing, you're just as valuable part of this team as anyone." Ward walked over to Fitz and tried to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Fitz pushed his arm away with surprising strength. "Being the hero isn't just about physical strength and brute force you know, the sciencey stuff you do here on the BUS is important to us. Hell, you're irreplaceable Fitz; we'd be nothing without you."

"Don't do that okay. Don't fucking pretend I'm something I'm not okay; I'm not a hero, you said it yourself. I didn't jump out of a bloody plane to save her, you did! Don't give me that shit about the anti-serum either; she would've done just fine making it without me."

"Look buddy, if this is about what I said earlier, I didn't mean it, it was that alien rage thing, you know damn well you had just as much to do with saving her as I did."

"Just because it was the Asgardian staff making you say it, doesn't make it any less true." Fitz took a deep shaky breath hitting the bag lightly with the palm of his hand a few times. "I've known Jemma since uni. In all that time you don't think I haven't thought about the possibility of us being together, hmm? All that time. All that time, I've been falling more and more in love with her and it hurts. It hurts, because I'm not good enough. I spent so long thinking that she'd do so much better than me. Then you came along and I thought you'd prove me right, but I thought… I thought- fuck!" He turned and whacked the bag again, a sob escaping from his lips as tears fell freely from his eyes, his voice growing louder with every word. "For a second I thought maybe she'd like me back. I let myself believe I had a chance and I got wrapped up in the thought of it that I forgot that she was still too good for me. After she almost died and then I went on that bloody mission with you. I was gonna tell her how I felt, but it doesn't fucking matter anymore does it. Because you end up saving her every single time and I can't do shit about it! I fucking love her Ward."

"Simmons, she- I'm sure she feels the same way…" Ward trailed off. Fitz wiped tears from his already sore eyes, and started towards the door. "Fitz just wait." Ward reached out towards him again, but Fitz simply kept walking. Watching Fitz's retreating figure, Ward decided to let him sleep hit off, promising himself that if Fitz was still angry tomorrow, he would talk to him.

Fitz walked straight to the bathroom, allowing himself to whimper softly as soon as he locked the door behind him. He went to the sink and splashed cold water over his face, a new wave of self hatred washing over him as his eyes landed on his reflection. Fresh tears fell from his eyes as he felt disgust rising inside himself; his hair was scruffy and his cheeks, eyes and nose were red and puffy. He tried to scrub some of the blood off of his knuckles, but the water stung too much to he dried them off as best as possible and walked back to his room.

He walked in slowly and turned to lock the door behind him. He allowed himself a few minutes in the darkness before he turned the light on.

"Leo?"

The voice was quiet and uncertain, but without a doubt, Jemma's. He turned to his bed to see her sitting on it, clutching his pillow to her chest. "Jem, wh- what are you doing here?" He tried to hide the cracks in his voice, but they were unmistakable in the silence.

He could see that she'd been crying, and when she spoke again he could hear the pain in her voice ,"I couldn't sleep. I thought I heard yelling. I came in here to see if you were still awake, but you were gone and… and so I went to look for you." She paused, putting his pillow aside and standing up and taking a few hesitant steps toward him. She placed a hand on his shoulder, slowly sliding it down his arm until she could hold his hand in hers. "I heard what you said Leo." She blinked back a few tears, willing herself not to cry again.

"I'm so sorry Jem" Fitz whispered, a contrast to the harsh, loud voices he'd used only minutes ago. He took a glance down at their joined hands, trying not to look her in the eyes; he rubbed his thumb gently over the back of her hand. "I know I shouldn't feel like this, I really don't want what I said to ruin our friendship."

She placed a single finger on his lips, shushing him. She moved her hand to his chin, tilting his face to look at her again, before moving her hand to his cheek. "You didn't ruin anything. Goddamn it Leo, I just… I feel the same way. All this time. And I thought that you- I just thought that- I don't even know anymore, I was sure you'd never feel the same way, I'm just me! But I love you Leo, I love you so much."

"You- what. What. I don't... But Jem I'm not a hero, I'm weak and pathetic and I let you down." He whimpered.

"Don't you dare say that, okay. You are a hero; my hero. You think I'd ever want someone like Ward? He's a good man, but you're so much more than that. You mean so much more to me. You're loyal and funny and smart and gorgeous really and- and you're my best friend and the most amazing man I've ever met, you could never let me down and I love you Leo."

"You're shitting me right?" She shook her head and although the tears finally freed themselves from her eyes, she let out a shaky laugh. He started laughing with her, a few sobs escaping from the both of them, "All this time and I never even knew. I'm such an idiot."

"You're not an idiot Leo Fitz." She said sincerely, pressing her forehead against his lightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you ever felt like you weren't good enough for me and I'm sorry I made you feel like anything less than the hero that you are."

"Jemma, I-" he cut himself off, not quite knowing what to say, letting a few sobs free.

"Shhh, it's gonna be okay, I swear." Jemma whispered lightly in his ear, kissing him lightly on the cheek. She place a few more there, hearing his sobs slow down and slowly evolve into laughter. She started peppering kisses all over his face, hearing him giggle softly; he began to return the favour kissing the tip of her nose lightly. They pulled away from each other slightly, laughter turning to silence as they stared deeply into each other's eyes. Jemma smiled slightly as she felt Leo pull her closer, her eyes fluttering shut as their lips met. It was extremely gentle, as if they were both trying to heal each other of all the insecurities they'd had, all the doubts they'd ever felt about themselves. Gradually his grip around her tightened, deepening the kiss a she threaded her hands into his hair. Fitz ran is tongue along her bottom lip, begging for entrance, which she gave instantly, loosing herself in the passion of the kiss. Eventually they broke the kiss, taking deep breaths, but they stayed wrapped up in each other, swaying slightly where they stood. Leo pulled Jemma towards his bed and they both got in wordlessly and gripped onto each other tightly, breathing each other in and drawing comfort from their presence. Jemma's fingers traced the bruises on his arms lightly, occasionally leaning in to kiss the worst bruises when he flinched slightly. She knew it wasn't scientifically proven that you can kiss something better but was as if she could feel the tension and hurt leave Fitz with every gentle touch of her lips. He pulled her against him tighter, kissing her forehead and burying his face in her hair.

"I love you so much, Leo." Jemma whispered quietly, slowly drifting into sleep, but not before she heard his muffled reply.

"I love you too, Jemma, always have, always will."

_So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light  
'Cause oh they gave me such a fright  
But I will hold as long as you like  
Just promise me we'll be alright_

The ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue  
But we'll live a long life  
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view  
And we'll live a long life


End file.
